// A BRIEF POSTAL HISTORY
How this became a postal service
Kotiki-Nar are two-headed cats who seem to exist across more than one layer of reality. One head is here; the other may be somewhere we cannot normally reach.
Nobody knows exactly what they are. Some call them observers, some negotiators, some interdimensional couriers. They insist they are independent on a universal scale, although their relationship with coffee remains suspicious.
At some point, humans appear to have wrapped this strange ability in envelopes, stamps, tracking codes and bureaucracy.
That became Nar-Mail Express°.
You prepare a message.
A Kotiki-Nar may accept it.
What happens next is poorly documented.
Delivery is conditional.
Distance is negotiable.
Chronology is not guaranteed.
The rest is paperwork.
Nar-Mail Visual Archive
Stamps, couriers, Cobra symbols and other surviving postal evidence.
// POSTAL SECURITY / CEC
Cobra Encryption Code
Accepted messages may be sealed with Cobra Encryption Code (CEC): an adaptive postal guard that coils around correspondence, confuses unauthorised readers and leaves a trail when tampered with.
SECURITY LEVELS: BASIC / SHADOW / STRIKE — selection is at the Cobra’s discretion.
NAR-MAIL COMPENSATION ARTIFACT · EDITION OF 10
The Oops Sticker°
Nar-Mail Express maintains that lost deliveries are statistically impossible. Unfortunately, statistics occasionally encounter reality.
When a delivery disappears, arrives somewhere it should not, crosses the wrong dimension, reaches the correct person several years too early, or is otherwise damaged by the administrative interpretation of space-time, Nar-Mail may issue an official Oops Sticker.
It is not compensation in any recognised financial sense. It is an admission. A very small one.
The sticker may only be given by Kotiki-Nar themselves or by a third-party courier acting on behalf of Nar-Mail Express as an apology for an actual delivery incident.
It cannot be ordered, reserved or purchased. Offering more money does not improve your chances. Offering unlimited money also does not improve your chances.
A persuasive espresso may influence a Kotiki-Nar in unrelated matters, but officially has no effect on the Oops Protocol.
Only 10 Oops Stickers exist. This creates the unusual situation where the most difficult Nar-Mail artifact to obtain becomes less available when the postal service works properly.
- PRICE
- NOT FOR SALE
- EDITION
- 10
- ISSUED BY
- KOTIKI-NAR / AUTHORISED THIRD-PARTY COURIER
- QUALIFICATION
- SOMETHING MUST FIRST GO WRONG
FORM NAR–888 / READ WITH DUE GRAVITY
Very Serious Terms & Conditions
- Belief Clause: Service only functions in universes where magic exists. If you lack imagination, that’s on you.
- Tamper Warning: Any interference with our Cobra Encryption Code will activate “unpleasant consequences.” Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
- Kotiki-Nar Efficiency: Couriers are professionals. If they pause to “inspect” your package, it’s for quality control.
- Loss Policy: Losing an item remains statistically impossible. If statistical impossibility nevertheless occurs, the affected party may receive one limited Nar-Mail Oops Sticker. Oops Stickers cannot be purchased, requested in advance, exchanged for cash, or deliberately triggered by losing your own parcel.
- Reality Limitations: Deliveries to black holes, collapsing stars, and dimensions where time runs backward are currently unavailable. Please plan accordingly.
- Coffee Tax: Kotiki-Nar reserve the right to consume your espresso while delivering your package. We regret nothing
